The Disease of Fear
“Trapped in a perpetual cycle of dreaming and doubting and freezing we live lives smaller than that of which we are capable of.”
In The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz talks about the idea of fear as a disease. A disease that everyone is infected with but very few are aware of. It cripples us, keeping us from going after the things we desire and even more detrimental, the things we need. We convince ourselves to accept the bare minimum from others because we are afraid that raising our standards will cause them to leave us, reject us, or judge us. We settle in jobs, relationships, health and wealth fearing the possibility of real success because with systematic success comes perceived failure. We bite our tongue and shrink ourselves in fear of being rejected by those we are authentic with because we have been taught through our conditioning that certain parts of us are undesirable and therefore, not enough. Yet we fantasize about what life could be like if we only had more. Trapped in a perpetual cycle of dreaming and doubting and freezing we live lives smaller than that of which we are capable of. Until…
Until we make a decision to expand our perspective. Until we speak back to that fear voice shaming us into failure. Until we expand our minds and seek the wealth of knowledge and expertise this evolved world leaves at our fingertips. Until we tap into the pieces of ourselves that we keep hidden from others and ourselves. Until we make active and intentional choices to expand our minds and our lives, we will continue to experience mediocrity each and every day. Fear has the capacity to do one of three things:
(1)Freeze Us
Have you ever been so afraid that you couldn’t move? The fear travels through your mind and body rendering you defenseless to its grasp. You get trapped in the worry of what could go wrong and find yourself paralyzed by the myriad of undesirable outcomes you create in your mind. In your paralyzed state you are unable to take action. Your legs don’t move, your voice becomes consumed by silence; you cant even find the ability to ask for help. If we allow it, fear can keep us still. It can manipulate us into believing there is no other option than to be pinned against a wall and submit. But this imaginary wall of stillness that we build as a means of protection can be just as easily torn down with a shifted perspective towards the fear source.
(2) Retreat Us
Sometimes it feels easier to run from something that elicits fear. As yet another form of protection, we make a habit out of choosing flight as a fear response and find ourselves consistently running from unpleasant situations. In conversation this can look like back peddling out of an opinion for fear of judgement or potential conflict. Conversely it can look like creating conflict for fear of transparency or vulnerability. In business it may appear as lowering your service price because you are worried that others will fail to see your worth. Or backing down from a deal because deep down we don’t believe we are talented enough to rise to the occasion. We flee from discomfort robbing ourselves of daily opportunities to grow. And because anything we rehearse becomes a part of our behavior, we default to our escape route when things begin to push us outside of our comfort zone.
(3) Push Us
But if we allow it, fear can be used as a motivator. It’s presence can be an indication of an opportunity to grow and we can use that signal as a chance to choose action. The existence of fear can reveal to us a need for increase. It can help us discover pieces of ourselves that we have tucked away or pieces we didn’t even realize existed. By choosing action, we face the fear and overtime, that fear transforms into ability. The ability to be fearless is not about running towards danger, but about fearing less through consistently facing challenges that would normally shrink us.
So if you are finding yourself desiring different outcomes in your life, our suggestion is to take some time to examine areas where shame, doubt and anxiety lurk. At the root of these self defeating behaviors you will find fear embedded in your belief system. Do the work. Uproot the fear and plant seeds of courage, power, self love and self discipline.
