Making Time For Sexy Time
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Outside of the tremendous responsibility of keeping alive and caring for a tiny human, small shifts take place within our internal and external lives that we fail to notice until the damage is already done. We make less time for the things that were once important choosing guilt in the rare moments that we put our needs first. Date night becomes family night as you find yourself watching some sort of cartoon animal discover themselves in song form, rather than sharing a drink and practicing playful banter. We may even begin to see ourselves differently than we did before we adorned the title of “mom” or “dad” making the idea of sexy time inconvenient and uncomfortable. And just like that, the same Sundays you once spent naked in bed with Bae become a negotiation on which of you gets to nap first while the other keeps them distracted. The fact is that on top of all the other roles and responsibilities we juggle in our daily lives, the position of parent is one of the most demanding. And with so many moving parts and so many metaphorical balls in the air, it is only a matter of time until one of them falls. More often than not, we allow our sex lives to fall by the wayside giving excuse after excuse as to why. “I’m so tired, we just don’t have the time, the kids may hear, I’m not in the mood,” and a myriad of other obstacles we create in our minds and convince ourselves we can’t overcome. But like anything else, the thoughts, feelings and emotions we focus on will be reflected in our lives and in our relationships. In order to increase something in our world, we must give it our full attention and cultivate it through the management of our thoughts and actions.
(1) Make it a Priority
Making the decision that physical intimacy is an area of importance within your relationship is an important first step. When we set our minds to something, we then consciously and subconsciously search for opportunities to create it. Actively deciding as a unit to make sex a priority will begin to stimulate both your body and mind. That decision will push you in the moment to touch first, receive an advance from your partner and grow your desire for that type of intimate expression.
(2) Creating Time When There is No Time
When you have kids of any age, creating uninterrupted moments for physical intimacy can become complicated. Young children require endless time, attention and care as they are unable to fulfill most vital tasks independently. And when they become of age to grow within their independence, their mental and emotional needs increase as they navigate this confusing and chaotic world. There just aren’t enough hours in the day. We have found that staying up a bit later or waking up a bit earlier can provide an opportunity for physical release. In a perfect world the house would be empty, candles would be lit and soft sultry music would be creating an ambiance of pleasure. But so often, if we get caught up in waiting for the perfect moment, we miss so many opportunities to create something that may be less perfect but ultimately just as satisfying. Be willing to be flexible and make compromises to ensure the kids aren’t the only ones being taken care of.
(3) Set the Tone Throughout the Day
Many people become more physically stimulated when their intellect is invigorated. Intimacy can begin far before you give your body to each other. Flirtatious texts, sexy pictures, intimate touches throughout the day… even completing as task your partner normally has to complete in order to clear their plate can be a step you take towards readying your partner for your alone time. If we create a habit around making each other a priority in the midst of our busy schedules, we will be more enthusiastic about ending our day in each other’s full body embrace.
Eventually, our job as parents will become less involved as our children grow and create their own adult lives. At that point, it would better serve us to have maintained the ability to practice positive self and relationship care rather than suddenly scrambling to pick up the pieces because you finally realize you have been living with a stranger (could be in reference to yourself or your significant other). While physical intimacy may not be important to some, for many it carries significant weight and could be the one piece missing from an otherwise healthy and functional relationship. The most important take away is this; stay in touch with your desires and make them a priority in your daily life. In most cases, the only person getting in the way of our peace, happiness and satisfaction is ourselves.
