Careless Words
One of my primary goals as a wife is to be a positive representation of my husband at all times. That not only means that I carry myself in a way that honors him but also that I speak of him in a way that honors him… particularly in his absence. While I am not someone who speaks negatively about their husband, I have been someone who has been careless with their words regarding him. This could look like over explaining an action or reaction to someone outside of our marriage and often being incorrect of his mindset or reasoning at the time. Or ventilating frustration about something I disagreed with that he said or did but lacking mindfulness in my communication . I can’t say that I was disrespectful but I will say that I didn’t consider my audience and their intent at the time. As I grow, I recognize the moments I’ve dropped the ball in the past and it helps me make different decisions moving forward. That isn’t to say that I don’t still mince my words, but I am more mindful of the impact those words can have on my partner.
As a recovering conflict avoidant person, my approach has often focused on pacifying the concerns of the others for fear of me or my husband being viewed in a negative light. I would over explain or even apologize for their perception of a situation rather than face the concern in a more direct manner. This no doubt is the product of childhood emotional trauma and the irrational idea that I could somehow control how others viewed me through being passive and overly accommodating. But it is impossible to manage the thoughts or feelings of others. They too, are the sum of their experiences and it is unrealistic to believe that we can change their perspective. Taking this approach has created anxiety for me surrounding uncomfortable conversations. Furthermore, it has left my husband feeling unprotected by me in a world of critics and cynics.
My husband is the King of my heart, PERIODT! His needs, desires and opinions are the most important in my world. So it is important that I move through the world considering him and how my actions and words may impact him. For me, running from conflict is not a representation of the strength he exudes and works to instill in me. It can feel difficult making this adjustment. But when you choose to share your life with another you are choosing to represent them, consider them and show up for them in the ways that they need, which can be different from what you have been doing the majority of your life. Growth is a process and relationships take time. Give yourself grace while you navigate the unsteady waters that life presents.
